i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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