see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
