so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
