The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize