Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize