I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
