you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
