Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
false alarm. still invincible.
someone owes me an orgasm
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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