woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
