apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize