In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
