she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
