Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
