I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
