Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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