Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
