If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
