dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
