If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
