can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
