Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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