so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
