If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
