i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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