Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize