I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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