Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
