Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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