4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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