Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
