me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
