I cannot find my penis.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
