I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
there was a trapeze. enough said
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
