we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
