dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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