Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
