My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
If its not for food we ain't going out.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
