Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
be right there i have to get my cape
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
