why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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