do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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