Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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