can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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