It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
