Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Randomize
