Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
