Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
