he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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