just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize