spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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