He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Someone shit on the floor
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
