we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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