I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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