what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
