I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize