Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
