just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
