Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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