you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
