I am in a vortex of obligation.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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