he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
