i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
