why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
