She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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