Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
