Where did you get a picture of my penis
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize