watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
pop tarts are not kleenex
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
