sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
