Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
